My hand turned me down
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
