You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
