take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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