just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
