I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she told me i tasted like america
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
