Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
