I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
