They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
