and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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