Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
