i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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