Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
