Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
