They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
