I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
