Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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