I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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