You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
