FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
