Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
