I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His nipple licking is glorious
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