I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
