we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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