Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
