don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
