We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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