tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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