my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Welp...herpes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
