I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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