it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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