We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
