is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
