your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
