Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
