He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
