It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
