I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
