Acid is not a monday night drug
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
