After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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