Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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