Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
