is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
