I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
