so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
