he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
