I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
