trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
