Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
