we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Semen is not good for contacts.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
