I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
