does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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