am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
even my farts smell like vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
